~another feeling~

I don't know how to say it. I really am lonely now. Scared as well. I don't know if this is what people call love. Its really not a nice feeling. I felt very insecure now. I really want him back in my life. I never forget to ask for a longer relationship with you everytime after prayer. I thought about this before, if you really are not for me, then I hope Allah SWT will erase you from my life. But the thought alone really scares me. So I no longer ask for that thing. I can't imagine my life without you around.

I always hope that we can bumped into each other without planning one day. But it never happens. Maybe this is the way that Allah SWT wanna tell me that he is never meant for me..?? And now, he is leaving me..forever! He seems happy with the plan that he is leaving this country. If we are living in the same state, yet we never meet once without planning. It is impossible to bumped into each other when we are the world apart.

I wonder, if he is really serious with me ever in his life. If he thinks that I don't take him serious now, I'm sorry cause twice that when I thought he is serious, I just a place that he came when he got no one. I really am scared to try again and to hurt again. Yet at the same time, I really don't wish to lose you. Now I really hope that he can read this blog and know what I feel about him.

I am lost! I don't know what to do now! I want you!!! I really really really want you!!! But I really afraid to even text you now. I'm afraid that to see how to response towards me. To see ur single reply really torturing me. I'm waiting for you to miss my presence, my text. I once consider to give you everything you want so that you will stay with me. But I also remembered that you said once to keep it for the right person. How I wish that right person is you.

Dear, I cannot wait anymore. I miss you so damn much. Please come back to me. I love you more than you ever imagine. Please...be my peacefulldevil. Forever!